Think about yourself.
Talk about yourself.
Use 'I' as often as possible.
Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others.
Listen greedily to what people say about you.
Expect to be appreciated.
Be suspicious.
Be sensitive to slights.
Never forgive a criticism.
Trust nobody but yourself.
Insist on consideration and respect.
Demand agreement with your own views on everything.
Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them.
Never forget a service you have rendered.
Shirk your duties if you can.
Do as little as possible for others.
Do even half of these things consistently and you will succeed in ...

BEING MISERABLE.